Saturday, 13th February, 2016

Wow…so it’s been a while. And I know I said it last time but I absolutely intend to be more frequent with this. A lot’s happened in the last couple of weeks and it’s been quite the rollercoaster on self-discovery.

I think I may have had my mid-life crisis epiphany a good 29 years early o.O

Anyway! Back to topic.

I decided to be productive with my summer this year and enrolled in a summer subject about well-being and positive psychology.
A bit of an introduction to the course; it focuses on the many ways humans are going wrong with their lives and the even greater ways they can switch that around by simply focusing on what’s good regardless of what’s bad.

You know those grandparental advice we’ve all gotten at least once in our life? The advice like ‘Don’t be in a hurry, enjoy the ride’ or ‘Life’s an adventure with ups and downs but the ups never feel as great if they’re never any downs’. Stuff like that.
Yeah, well it was all of that mushed into one science based branch of psychology to allow people the chance to live a wholesome, flourishing life. Key aspects of what makes life great such as gratitude, love, hope, character strengths, motivation, positivity and all the abstractly optimistic concepts are being deconstructed and studied from the ground up by psychologists everywhere.

So the point is, I’ve always considered myself to be a nice, grateful person that’s empathetic of other peoples views, opinions and feelings. However, during the two weeks i learnt that, really, I’m not. The amount of things I’ve taken for granted and under-appreciated had be stunned speechless. The amount of times I’d found myself either on the verge of tears or already sobbing during the two weeks still has be stunned speechless.

It had me thinking…how many times in our life do we simply pass the world by, not once stopping to simply thank the bus driver because we’re too focused on the tasks we have to do? Honestly, how many people are completely present and focused on the task at hand?
For example: when you take a shower, how many of you simply go through the motions while you’re head’s all filled with the things you’ve got to do during the day?

Why is it so difficult for human beings to be? To just be. Why not take 10 minutes out of your busy schedule and appreciate the clouds in the sky, or the flowers on the tree, or the lack of flowers on the tree. Allow yourself to be overcome with wonder at nature’s beauty and magic.
Submerge yourself into the creativity of life and wonder.

Wonder how the trees know to shed their leaves. Wonder how a baby knows it’s mother’s touch without even seeing her. Wonder how a mother knows her children are upset when they’re halfway across the world. Wonder how when you look at someone, you just know they’re the one.

Wonder how you fall in love:
Wonder at the feeling of opening  up to someone, so completely that your heart feels like it’s bursting, your mind suddenly draws a blank, your gut drops to your ass.

All these examples of miracles and beauty that surround us. Think, if you could only spend 10 minutes a day admiring, thinking, simply watching them, think about how you’d feel. No pain, no regret, no anger, no sadness, no stress.

Just 10 minutes.

Sometimes that’s all it takes.


Gratitude TEDxTalks
WATCH THIS. Trust me you won’t regret it.



Sunday, 7th September 2014


When what you do isn’t good enough is it even worth trying?

It’s quite a depressing thought but when life hands you lemons sometimes they’re too sour to make lemonade with, you just need to throw them out. I’ve tried finding my way but the leash on my neck gets yanked before I can get far enough to touch greener pastures. I’m reminded that I’m not worth it. That my purpose is not self discovery and growth, but rather fulfilling duties to please others: parents, relatives, friends. It comes to a point where I don’t know who I am anymore or whether it’s worth finding out. Now I’m too scared to. I might not like what I see; a coward that can’t tell people to stop, a pushover that doesn’t want to hurt people because she knows all too well just how much it hurts.

It makes you wonder whether people see it and turn a blind eye because they simply don’t care about you or whether people really never want to delve deeper because then they’d have to help pick up the pieces. It boils down to whether they can’t be bothered enough about you, or just simply can’t be bothered.

So it brings me back to my question from earlier. Is it worth trying? Why try? I don’t know anymore. I’m going through motions, afraid of stepping on feet, forsaking dreams and hobbies because I simply have nowhere to put them. I’m filled to the brim with instructions and forced aspirations I can’t remember what I wanted to do in the first place. And if I can’t remember it, if I couldn’t fight for it, did I ever deserve to want it?

Now someone else’s dream is mine and I’m living it. Someone else’s words are mine and I’m saying them. Someone else’s thoughts are mine and I’m thinking them. Someone else’s life is mine and I’m living it. I’m surviving it.

So what does that make me?



Glow Sticks

A Spec On Earth

Monday, 13th May 2013

Well it certainly has been a while…don’t hurt me!


I was listening to a song just now to wind down from the stress and workload of exam revision. Biology, my friends, is no walk in the park…unless of course you’re some new homosapien species with a super genius brain. Or if you actually work hard enough to understand the notes 😛

But that’s not the point. I decided to play one of those online radios and a song by Andy Grammer came on. It was ‘Miss Me’. I love that song and considering that fact that I was looking for a wind down I decided to watch the video. I realised I hadn’t actually bothered before now. Sill y me but that error in my judgement was corrected instantaneously!

So for those of you who haven’t heard the song it’s basically about moving on from…

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Saturday, 23th March, 2013

Wow…well it’s been a while! And considering this is my first post in 2013 I’d have to say Happy New Year to everyone 🙂

A lot has happened between now and my last post and that got me thinking (like most things usually do) how much time can pass so quickly without you even realising it!

It’s like ‘Gosh I want to be able to do this by the end of the month’ and then the end of said month arrives and you haven’t even started! Where did all that time go? And that makes you realise just how important time is! And not just that but how uncontrollable it is. Once it’s gone it never comes back no matter how much you need it to.

Time is a very important factor in my life right now with exams around the corner and some road block or another just popping up infront of me. It’s one of those things that makes you wonder if someone out there is out to get you with all the crap that get’s thrown your way.

People say time heals all wounds and as much as it can make a person stronger it can break one too. How though? Who gave Time all of that importance? Us. What if we’d never given Time the value it has in our lives? Would it have made a difference? What if we didn’t invent the sundials and water clocks and just drifted through our lives without time as it’s guide. No one would say to you, you were late or early or you have to stop cause you’ve run out of time.

I was reminded of this poem I was made to read once. It’s called Half-Past Two by U. A. Fanthorpe and I realised how fitting such a scenario would be. How much we’d be able to appreciate fully because time isn’t a hindrance. How blissful it would be to be transported to a place where time was never born, never existed and couldn’t waver you. It would be up to you to decide how long you wanted to take understanding the little itty bitty things that make up our lives. The little things we fail to see.

It reminds me of a post I had earlier about clouds; the constants we fail to see. Maybe we’d see them more if we had time?

Maybe we’d really be a hell of a lot happier without it.

Well who knows 🙂

I was torn between the four songs I could put up for this post. The other three (in case you wanted to listen to them) were;

  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc  << Good Riddance (The Time Has Come) ~ Green Day
  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzcWwmwChVE << Time Is On My Side ~ The Rolling Stones
  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntm1YfehK7U << Time ~ Pink Floyd

I guess that’s it for now…

Take care!

Peace! xo

Does it have ‘you’?

Tuesday, 23th October, 2012

You know that’s a strange question. When you get asked if something that you’ve done has a bit of you in it.

I find that funny cause at the end of the day you did whatever it is that is being discussed and that highly influences the out come.

It’s like when author’s get asked if they can relate to a certain character in the book or if the book is autobiographical or something along the lines. You wonder that despite the author maybe saying ‘no, the book is completely fiction’ it’s not really. Because as much as you’d like to think that none of what you do screams that you did it it does.

I mean with the whole author thing. There is no way that you can avoid basing a character or two on actual people that you’ve interacted with, that are probably very close to you. The book you are writing is exactly that, something that YOU wrote. You related how you perceive the world into an average of about 400 pages. The way your mind wants you to see the world. How your little bubble effects what your mind interprets.

It’s amazing how subconsciously a lot of the things we do or leave behind are heavily influenced by the way we judge and see things despite how many times we convince ourselves that we’re objective, that we can separate ourselves from what we do.

Lawyers! Most claim to lack morals or temporarily forget them when they get handed a case or take on one. It doesn’t pay to be subjective for them but why pick a particular case? Why choose to help one person before the other when given a choice? A small, no matter how miniscule, fraction of that is our thoughts on it. The way their minds judge what they see and that defines the way they fight a case. It’s startlingly important even if we don’t allow it to be.

That really amazes me. Our subconscious.

It really is wondrous 🙂

So the song probably has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of this post and at the same time it might have everything to do with it. Perception 🙂

Take care!

Peace 🙂



Wednesday, 17th October, 2012

Hey hey! 🙂

Sadly I wasn’t able to post yesterday and I feel like I’ve broken a cycle. Silly right? But really that’s exactly how I feel seeing as I’ve posted every day without fail since I’ve started. Oh well. All I can do now is curse the stupid internet for being stupid on me and failing! Deep breathes…

Well yesterday I drew a blank and I really had no idea what to write. It might have also had something to do with the fact that I went spinning and couldn’t feel my legs for an hour after. I swear that was so painful! I think my favourite part of that would have to be when the instructor said ‘Cool down’. Golden words. No two ways about it.

Believe it or not I can still feel the pain! The stairs have never looked more monstrous I assure you.

My friend wrote something on my arm a while ago and it’s stuck with me.

“Put your heart first and your feet shall follow.”

Well it has a personal connection to my life so I understand why she put it but let’s not go into that. I love the quote and I’ll probably tattoo it on my arm at some point 🙂 I found another one recently that means the same thing.

“Just let your heart lead and your feet will follow.”

It made me wonder though why so many of us are afraid to follow our heart. Why are we too scared to say ‘No, this is not what I want to do!’

What is it about us that say ‘please walk all over me.’ Why don’t we object? If they aren’t afraid to hurt us by making us choose what they want over what we want then why do we care so much about hurting them?

It really baffles me and yet here I am, doing exactly that, letting them choose because I’m too cowardly to say no.

You know you’ve lost when you decide you don’t care anymore.

I’m so sure I’m not the only one out there and that in itself puzzles me further. I get that it’s mostly our fault for not being able to speak up about it and letting them do what they want because we convince ourselves that it’s okay. But why put us in such a position in the first place. And to top it all off have the audacity to say that it’s your decision in the end but we all know that you’re thinking ”And your decision better mirror mine”. It’s such a catch 22.

It’s come to a point where you no longer know what you want to be, what you want to do with yourself because you’ve come to a point where you know it’s futile to even voice it. They’d look at you like ”That’s all well and good but you’ll go nowhere in life if that’s what you do.”

Hopefully one of us, if not all of us, finds the courage to speak up and encourage the rest of us to do the same 🙂

Good luck folks!!

This song I feel fits this perfectly 🙂 Enjoy!!

Until next time 🙂