I understand

Sunday, 14th September 2014

‘Don’t worry. I understand.’ I’ve used that line far too many times and it’s never hurt less each time I use it.

I won’t understand. I don’t think I will ever understand why it’s okay to point out the faults and misgivings in someone and then say ‘I hope you understand. I only mean to help you.’

Well you know what? I’m tired of understanding! I’m tired of saying that I do when I honestly don’t. What makes the derogatory way with which you speak to me and the people I love okay? How does anything ever begin to justify the way you spoke those words to me? There are ways to tell me I was wrong. I’ll admit that I was. I made a mistake. Several in fact. But I’ve apologized. I’ve rectified them and I’ve tried not to repeat them. I’m still trying. It doesn’t help when you dig that grave up and rip open what I try to bury and change. I’m capable of changing. I already have but you’ll never see it because you refuse to look for it. To you I’ll always be that girl that could never live up to your expectations. The girl that failed you and continues to do so. I no longer care what you say about me. It hurts but that’s for me to know. For me alone to know.

However, I refuse to let you do the same to her. She has me. She’ll always have me even if we fight and argue. Our quarrels make us stronger and I know that. I will never condone you saying the same things to her to help her ‘grow’ as you put it. Constantly reminding her that she didn’t succeed in what she’d set out to do is no way to help her grow. Making her cry, reminding her that she disappointed you, not saying that you forgive her and that everything will be okay. Not holding her when she cries because it hurts her knowing she didn’t achieve the goal she’d set for herself, but instead saying it’s her own fault for not working when she’d clearly done so. Not being mindful of the fact that people talk. They always have regarding us, and despite you knowing that you being the worst critic. The worst bully. None of these things will help her grow. None of these things will help her move on. They’ll only break her like they did me.

I implore you to stop. Please.

Just stop.

 

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Time

Saturday, 23th March, 2013

Wow…well it’s been a while! And considering this is my first post in 2013 I’d have to say Happy New Year to everyone 🙂

A lot has happened between now and my last post and that got me thinking (like most things usually do) how much time can pass so quickly without you even realising it!

It’s like ‘Gosh I want to be able to do this by the end of the month’ and then the end of said month arrives and you haven’t even started! Where did all that time go? And that makes you realise just how important time is! And not just that but how uncontrollable it is. Once it’s gone it never comes back no matter how much you need it to.

Time is a very important factor in my life right now with exams around the corner and some road block or another just popping up infront of me. It’s one of those things that makes you wonder if someone out there is out to get you with all the crap that get’s thrown your way.

People say time heals all wounds and as much as it can make a person stronger it can break one too. How though? Who gave Time all of that importance? Us. What if we’d never given Time the value it has in our lives? Would it have made a difference? What if we didn’t invent the sundials and water clocks and just drifted through our lives without time as it’s guide. No one would say to you, you were late or early or you have to stop cause you’ve run out of time.

I was reminded of this poem I was made to read once. It’s called Half-Past Two by U. A. Fanthorpe and I realised how fitting such a scenario would be. How much we’d be able to appreciate fully because time isn’t a hindrance. How blissful it would be to be transported to a place where time was never born, never existed and couldn’t waver you. It would be up to you to decide how long you wanted to take understanding the little itty bitty things that make up our lives. The little things we fail to see.

It reminds me of a post I had earlier about clouds; the constants we fail to see. Maybe we’d see them more if we had time?

Maybe we’d really be a hell of a lot happier without it.

Well who knows 🙂

I was torn between the four songs I could put up for this post. The other three (in case you wanted to listen to them) were;

  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc  << Good Riddance (The Time Has Come) ~ Green Day
  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzcWwmwChVE << Time Is On My Side ~ The Rolling Stones
  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntm1YfehK7U << Time ~ Pink Floyd

I guess that’s it for now…

Take care!

Peace! xo