Love Yourself

Thursday, 31st March, 2016

Hey guys!

Yesterday, a friend of mine shared a piece of writing with me. It was about loving yourself in the simplest and most primal way; without society’s influence. It got me thinking about just how much we allow society’s invisible rules to guide the decisions we make in the love department.

The piece I read talked about how it wasn’t necessary to be in a relationship to be ‘loved’ or feel ‘loved’. Whoever wrote this, shared with the world their insight on how society claims that the only way you can say you’ve experienced love is by being with a partner, and how much that isn’t true.
There is love in everything we do, there is love in every friendship we’ve made, every hug we’ve given to our parents, every kiss we’ve placed on a sibling’s cheek, and every ruffle of a dog’s ear.
There is love in every smile we’ve tossed a passerby, every penny we’ve given a thriving artist busking on the street, every meal we’ve bought a stranger in need.

Love is in our humanity.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. The piece I read emphasised how misinformed society is and how plagued we are by the expectations we place upon ourselves. We do not need ‘the one’ standing beside us in the form of a partner. The only difference between the love of a partner and the love of a parent is that you are sexually intimate with one and not the other. And doesn’t it make it all the more precious that someone can love you, for all that you are flaws and all, and not require anything in return? In a relationship, or when you’re dating, it’s expected that at sometime you need to show your love to the other by way of sex. It’s such a 180 from the purest love of parent and child, or siblings, or the first relationship we forge of our choosing; that of friendship. Neither of these relationships is perfect. I’m not saying that. I’ve fought with my sister countless times. I’ve gotten angry with my mum and dad for the silliest of reasons. But that’s what’s so beyond brilliant about Love. True love. It’s that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I could mess up in the worst possible way with my parents or my sister and they’ll love me. They my be angry at me, disappointed, hurt, annoyed, or indifferent to what I’ve done. But they will also love me. That won’t go away.

So when we have a love like that, why do we seek a validation of our self-worth from the presence of a partner or significant other? I’m not saying don’t be in a relationship. I’m not saying that at all! Nor am I saying that it’s a bad thing to be in one. A lot of the relationships people have with their partners morph into the most beautiful, soul-deep love we’ve ever known.
But a lot of the relationships also go very bad. We insist on striving to achieve the ‘perfect’ life by the unseen but ever-present timeline of love set my an unseen but ever-present societal council. By twenty-two you should’ve had your heart broken at least once. By thirty one you should be married and thinking about children. But forty-five you should be well into married life, living in a house with a dog and three children. And those that don’t conform to the mould are disregarded or hounded, depending on who around them ‘cares’. Why?

We need to love ourselves. We need to dig deep and find within ourselves the courage to be content and feel loved whether or not we have ‘the one’ standing beside us. We don’t need a partner to convince us that we’re beautiful, that we’re worth love. That we ARE loved. We never needed it.
Marriage and sex was simply a way to ensure we weren’t lonely and that the human race survived over the generations. But then we loved. We’ve always loved. And, while we may not ever fully understand the complex emotion, we do understand that it is vital but we’ve only just began to realise to what extent.

Shut yourself from all the societal pressures if you need to. Take a day off. Go offline. Find a way to cage yourself, throw away the key and learn all that makes you wonderful and free. You are the only one in the world that limits yourself. You are the only one in the world that will always love all that you are. Find a way to do that so that you can love another the way they deserve when they walk into your life, and so that they can love all that you are without having to really figure out why.

Be free.

 

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Until next time lovelies 🙂

xo

Unexpected

Saturday, 13th February, 2016

Wow…so it’s been a while. And I know I said it last time but I absolutely intend to be more frequent with this. A lot’s happened in the last couple of weeks and it’s been quite the rollercoaster on self-discovery.

I think I may have had my mid-life crisis epiphany a good 29 years early o.O

Anyway! Back to topic.

I decided to be productive with my summer this year and enrolled in a summer subject about well-being and positive psychology.
A bit of an introduction to the course; it focuses on the many ways humans are going wrong with their lives and the even greater ways they can switch that around by simply focusing on what’s good regardless of what’s bad.

You know those grandparental advice we’ve all gotten at least once in our life? The advice like ‘Don’t be in a hurry, enjoy the ride’ or ‘Life’s an adventure with ups and downs but the ups never feel as great if they’re never any downs’. Stuff like that.
Yeah, well it was all of that mushed into one science based branch of psychology to allow people the chance to live a wholesome, flourishing life. Key aspects of what makes life great such as gratitude, love, hope, character strengths, motivation, positivity and all the abstractly optimistic concepts are being deconstructed and studied from the ground up by psychologists everywhere.

So the point is, I’ve always considered myself to be a nice, grateful person that’s empathetic of other peoples views, opinions and feelings. However, during the two weeks i learnt that, really, I’m not. The amount of things I’ve taken for granted and under-appreciated had be stunned speechless. The amount of times I’d found myself either on the verge of tears or already sobbing during the two weeks still has be stunned speechless.

It had me thinking…how many times in our life do we simply pass the world by, not once stopping to simply thank the bus driver because we’re too focused on the tasks we have to do? Honestly, how many people are completely present and focused on the task at hand?
For example: when you take a shower, how many of you simply go through the motions while you’re head’s all filled with the things you’ve got to do during the day?

Why is it so difficult for human beings to be? To just be. Why not take 10 minutes out of your busy schedule and appreciate the clouds in the sky, or the flowers on the tree, or the lack of flowers on the tree. Allow yourself to be overcome with wonder at nature’s beauty and magic.
Submerge yourself into the creativity of life and wonder.

Wonder how the trees know to shed their leaves. Wonder how a baby knows it’s mother’s touch without even seeing her. Wonder how a mother knows her children are upset when they’re halfway across the world. Wonder how when you look at someone, you just know they’re the one.

Wonder how you fall in love:
Wonder at the feeling of opening  up to someone, so completely that your heart feels like it’s bursting, your mind suddenly draws a blank, your gut drops to your ass.

All these examples of miracles and beauty that surround us. Think, if you could only spend 10 minutes a day admiring, thinking, simply watching them, think about how you’d feel. No pain, no regret, no anger, no sadness, no stress.

Just 10 minutes.

Sometimes that’s all it takes.

xo

Gratitude TEDxTalks
^
WATCH THIS. Trust me you won’t regret it.

Gemini

Monday, 25th May, 2015

Again, it’s been a while. I guess, since most of my posts tend to be when something unfavourable has occurred, I’d say life’s been good enough that I’ve had nothing to write about really. I’ll analyse why I only write when I’m upset on a later date, other than the most obvious reason; it’s therapeutic.

I picked Gemini as a theme of discussion because, well it’s Gemini season! And I’m a Gemini. There’s a Gemini fact that I’ve always been told is very prominent but always dismissed. Until now obviously.

That trait would be that a Gemini is one of the loneliest people on earth. They feel that no one truly understands them and that no one will ever really want to. Maybe that’s why Gemini’s are considered shallow. It’s a defense mechanism. Nothing hurts more than opening up to a person completely to have it thrown back in your face when they dismiss your thoughts, troubles and dreams because they simply didn’t understand it.

I talked to someone today. We were having a bit of a tiff and whatever I’d been feeling compounded into a massive blow out where I broke down and just told them everything I was feeling because of their actions. They turned everything around on me saying I was the wrong party and that they knew they were wrong but I was overreacting. Seriously the worst thing you could say to anyone, not just a Gemini.

And I guess it made me think about what else is actually true on those newspaper horoscope things I tend to read for fun. I thought a lot about myself and how it’s true that I don’t open up to most people, that I’m always smiling despite how I really feel and only if I really trust you will I show you the inner layers. So to have that thrown in my face, again, today was a big blow.

It’s not even just a Gemini thing. It’s just how my thought process started. This applies to everyone everywhere. Everyone’s got their own defense mechanisms and ways of coping. Everyone hides their truest self until they’re alone. I read somewhere that there are three faces to every human being; the public face, the friends and family face, and the face when the person is completely and totally alone. It makes me sad to think that the world has come to such a state where we need to have those many faces. It’s sadder still that there is truth in the statement where we have a face reserved for family and friends. Ideally, you’d like to be yourself completely around the people you love, and the fact that you’re not, no matter how much you try, highlights so strongly the deepest insecurities a person has.

It brought to light another fact; everyone knows we hide ourselves and yet no one tried to help you find you. I reckon that’s worse than having to hide yourself. At least it is for me.

I’m sitting here shaking my head at all the thoughts and emotions running around in circles in my brain and I can’t fully express just how disheartened it’s made me feel. And if I’m feeling it I know people out there are too.

So all I have to say to end this quite haphazard post is that, if you want someone to discover the truest version of yourself, work to try discover their’s. It doesn’t matter who it is. Could be a complete stranger even. Make someone feel like they matter, like they belong and that you care, someone cares. Then maybe, just maybe, by doing that, there will be hope for the world after all.

The song I’ve chosen for this post is so fitting it couldn’t NOT be the song.

Take care of yourselves and stay safe guys 🙂

xo

Who’s Pain Is Bigger?

Wednesday, 1st April 2015

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on my blog. I guess it’s just that easy to be swept up with Life. I thought I’d be one of those people that would have everything under control, but you don’t realise how easy it is for days to merge into weeks, months, years and you find yourself looking back ten years from now thinking ‘when did all that happen?’ or ‘where did the time go?’.

As cliché as that is, it happens. I mean there’s always truth behind every cliché.

Well, like my past blog posts, I don’t have a specific topic to touch on. I just read a post on the Humans of New York about a guy who lost his wife when she gave birth to their child and I got choked up thinking about just how much pain he’d have had to go through.

It made me feel guilty.

You know those days when you’re feeling low and everything about your life up till now stops making sense? You’re sitting there wondering what the hell you’re even doing with the gift you’ve been given and you feel even lower because, even though you have the resources to make your life great, you’re just sitting in a corner or on the bed feeling sorry for yourself and the troubles you’re going through.

I do that sometimes. I don’t plan it, but it happens and everything that’s bothering me or stressing me out just bubbles over and I cry. I cry so hard for myself and for the people surrounding me and for the lack of courage I have. I can’t tell anyone how I’m really feeling and it’s not because they wouldn’t listen or care but it’s because when I say it out loud it starts to feel so small and stupid that I feel even worse for thinking that something like this could even be classified as a problem that causes me pain. Then I read or hear about how much worse other people have it and I feel like an ungrateful, selfish little girl because my troubles aren’t even a tenth as bad as theirs are and if they can pick themselves up and move on and try to be happy, then why can’t I?

It makes me feel like I don’t have a right to be upset, but that’s not true.

How does anyone classify pain and the degree with which it effects individuals? How can something so abstract such as pain and happiness even be compared? No two people are the same and no two people feel the same way about the same thing. And yet we still find ourselves comparing these abstract emotions. It’s a twisted form of self-masochism where we make ourselves feel worse by realising that we shouldn’t even be feeling bad in the first place.

I’m just rambling on and on about something that I can’t express clearly but it’s so present in my life and I’m sure in the lives of everyone else on this earth, if not now then later, and it amazes me that despite knowing the facts we still compare ourselves to other people.

Not just via emotions but through materialism and vanity.

It needs to stop.

I understand

Sunday, 14th September 2014

‘Don’t worry. I understand.’ I’ve used that line far too many times and it’s never hurt less each time I use it.

I won’t understand. I don’t think I will ever understand why it’s okay to point out the faults and misgivings in someone and then say ‘I hope you understand. I only mean to help you.’

Well you know what? I’m tired of understanding! I’m tired of saying that I do when I honestly don’t. What makes the derogatory way with which you speak to me and the people I love okay? How does anything ever begin to justify the way you spoke those words to me? There are ways to tell me I was wrong. I’ll admit that I was. I made a mistake. Several in fact. But I’ve apologized. I’ve rectified them and I’ve tried not to repeat them. I’m still trying. It doesn’t help when you dig that grave up and rip open what I try to bury and change. I’m capable of changing. I already have but you’ll never see it because you refuse to look for it. To you I’ll always be that girl that could never live up to your expectations. The girl that failed you and continues to do so. I no longer care what you say about me. It hurts but that’s for me to know. For me alone to know.

However, I refuse to let you do the same to her. She has me. She’ll always have me even if we fight and argue. Our quarrels make us stronger and I know that. I will never condone you saying the same things to her to help her ‘grow’ as you put it. Constantly reminding her that she didn’t succeed in what she’d set out to do is no way to help her grow. Making her cry, reminding her that she disappointed you, not saying that you forgive her and that everything will be okay. Not holding her when she cries because it hurts her knowing she didn’t achieve the goal she’d set for herself, but instead saying it’s her own fault for not working when she’d clearly done so. Not being mindful of the fact that people talk. They always have regarding us, and despite you knowing that you being the worst critic. The worst bully. None of these things will help her grow. None of these things will help her move on. They’ll only break her like they did me.

I implore you to stop. Please.

Just stop.

 

Human?

Sunday, 7th September 2014

 

When what you do isn’t good enough is it even worth trying?

It’s quite a depressing thought but when life hands you lemons sometimes they’re too sour to make lemonade with, you just need to throw them out. I’ve tried finding my way but the leash on my neck gets yanked before I can get far enough to touch greener pastures. I’m reminded that I’m not worth it. That my purpose is not self discovery and growth, but rather fulfilling duties to please others: parents, relatives, friends. It comes to a point where I don’t know who I am anymore or whether it’s worth finding out. Now I’m too scared to. I might not like what I see; a coward that can’t tell people to stop, a pushover that doesn’t want to hurt people because she knows all too well just how much it hurts.

It makes you wonder whether people see it and turn a blind eye because they simply don’t care about you or whether people really never want to delve deeper because then they’d have to help pick up the pieces. It boils down to whether they can’t be bothered enough about you, or just simply can’t be bothered.

So it brings me back to my question from earlier. Is it worth trying? Why try? I don’t know anymore. I’m going through motions, afraid of stepping on feet, forsaking dreams and hobbies because I simply have nowhere to put them. I’m filled to the brim with instructions and forced aspirations I can’t remember what I wanted to do in the first place. And if I can’t remember it, if I couldn’t fight for it, did I ever deserve to want it?

Now someone else’s dream is mine and I’m living it. Someone else’s words are mine and I’m saying them. Someone else’s thoughts are mine and I’m thinking them. Someone else’s life is mine and I’m living it. I’m surviving it.

So what does that make me?